You’re Fired!

The ‘Hundred Days’ metric was not something that began with Harry Truman—this is an urban legend courtesy of U.S. TV.

At the very least, it harks back to the Hundred Days of Napoleon—Les Cent Jours, if you want to get fancy. What possessed the Brits to exile the little big man on an island five nautical miles off the coast of Tuscany is quite beyond me—they can’t even claim it was inspired by the Chateau d’If, because the Count of Monte Cristo was only published twenty-nine years after Waterloo.

Technically, we’re talking 111 days between Napoleon’s triumphant return to Paris and the restoration of the French monarch Louis XVIII. If nothing else, today’s French voters should dwell on European hardship during that period, and reflect on the joys of nationalism.

For those that do, a word of caution—Marine, there’s nothing big about you, apart from bigotry.

Is the hundred day mark important? If anyone touted it as a landmark, Trump did—not once, but ad nauseam during his campaign, so it’s only fair to honor his pledges by assessing his performance.

Observers are divided on whether Trump thrives through con tradition or contradiction—there’s plenty of evidence that he built his wealth on the former, and his own testimony, loud, repeated, and emphatic, attests to the latter. I find it particularly interesting that he doesn’t just contradict his campaign promises—in fact, the general reversal of his positions as candidate seems to me a splendid course of action.

Donald has found out that he suddenly has the toughest job in the world, that he knew nothing about all the things he was talking about, and that he’s unlikely to get anything significant done—at least none of what he promised.

If this wasn’t so serious, you could almost feel sorry for him, because here is the opposite of Napoleon—Donald is a big little man, who is so clearly out of his depth that despite his Chinese-chocolate-cake-sized ego, I bet he wishes he could escape this nightmare and go back to being a regular twit.

A little child playing make-believe is now the president of the United States of America.

The media are dissecting all of the presidential achievements to date, so it seems gratuitous to dwell on the list.

However, it’s worth praising the presidential incompetence, and therefore wishing Donnie a bright future—if he’s digging himself into a large hole, then why take away his spade?

Everything Trump tries ends up in a mess, and if one of the mainstream Republicans, such as Bush, Rubio, or Cruz, had won the presidency, they would have been far more competent at repealing the Affordable Care Act, or implementing tax reform that would punish key discretionary spending programs. This reasoning suggests that, in some respects, Trump acts as anti-Republican buffer, and therefore perpetuates some policies from the previous administration.

The question that then remains, discounting the childish ‘Mexican wall’ nonsense, is whether a different Republican in the White House would have taken the same stance on issues such as climate change, the EPA, or pipelines.

At least on some issues, it appears they would have. In the Miami debate, Marco Rubio was both candid and glib.

But as far as a law that we can pass in Washington to change the weather, there’s no such thing.

He further illustrated his stupidity by agreeing that the mayor of Miami was wrong in believing that human activity played a part in climate change.

With respect to the infamous hundred days, the consensus is that the president’s pencil was used largely on the wrong end, erasing previous work rather than writing anything new.

Trump’s first hundred days have, however, generated bumper comedy material—there’s even been a Trump impersonator contest.

A couple of my favorites jokes sourced from various late night shows:

Around? He saw this information ‘around’? What, like it was tacked to a bulletin board next to guitar lessons and a picture of a lost cat?

Last week, it was Holocaust Remembrance Day, and as you know 6 million people — were at my inauguration, I mean there were just so many people at my inauguration and the media refuses to cover it, it’s so unfair, and one day I’m going to write a memoir about this struggle and call it, ‘My Struggle.’ What would that be in German, Angela?

Today is the 11th birthday of Twitter. That’s right, folks — 11 years ago, Donald Trump was just writing crazy things on Post-it notes.

At this point, it appears the Republican health-care plan is going to die on the floor of the House. Coincidentally, dying on the floor of the house happens to be the Republican health-care plan.

I think there’s strong evidence that the president is always high. Because just look at it: He forgets people’s names, he mixes up Iraq and Syria, and what do high people always do? They forget where they put things. And last week, Donald Trump didn’t just lose his keys, he lost the Navy.

But seriously, folks: Two rejected immigration bans, the repeal of Obamacare repealed before it got floor-time, aimless meandering on NAFTA, China, Russia, and the Mid-East, and losing the navy, all in one hundred days…

Donald, you’re fired!

The India Road, Atmos Fear, Clear Eyes, and Folk Tales For Future Dreamers. QR links for smartphones and tablets.

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